My First Encounter with grief...
To my Dearest Suay-Ku (teochew for Small uncle)
I felt the need to dedicate a blog post to you. I'm growing older each day and I'm afraid that my memory of you will slowly fade away. I'll try my best to type a post that will do you justice.
On this day, 12 years ago, you ended your battle with leukemia. Your 30 year mission on Earth was complete and God brought you to be with Him in heaven. At that time, I was barely in Primary School. I knew you were gone but had little idea of how your departure was going to affect our lives...
You were always so caring and considerate to everyone. For as long as I could remember, you were always there for me especially on my birthdays. I remember, you helping me open presents that my toddler self couldn't. During your last few moments on Earth, you didn't make an exception. Lying on the hospital bed, you made sure you stayed around until my birthday was over. I can't figure out if you really prepared the present that sa-ee (teochew for 3rd aunt) handed to me or they were just trying to cheer me up. I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The most important thing was that you made an effort to stay around till my birthday was over. Your death anniversary serves as a reminder of your love for your first niece, me.
You had many admirers but you were civil and nothing more. You knew you had leukemia which was like a time bomb that limited your time on Earth. You didn't want to lead them on or cause them to suffer heartache upon your departure. As such, you sacrificed having romantic relationships. If you had a family of your own, you would have been an Awesome Dad.
Till this day, I can't help but wonder... What if I didn't throw a tantrum at the hospital? What if you didn't carry me? What if I didn't leave teeth marks in your back? Would you still have been with us here today? My toddler/pre primary memory is failing me and I can't exactly remember the exact details of the whole incident. But this 'scene' keeps replaying in my head. Hospital. You. Me. Teeth marks.Your back. Everything else is just a blur.
Your departure left a gap in my life. A gap I was desperately trying to fill. Whether I realised it or not.
7 years ago, I thought I found something that could replace this gap. Wait. More like someone who could replace this gap. Wu Chun. The more I saw him on screen, the more he reminded me of you. I started to see you in him. He too, was the youngest child of the family. He too was mild mannered and well behaved. He too, was apparently well liked by all his siblings. He too, had nieces whom he cared for and loved.
This picture of him & his niece totally reminded me of You & I. The time you spent with me, during my childhood years. Waking up in the middle of the night in search of mom but to find you instead, listening to the midnight tunes on the radio. Or the times we spend in the swimming pool, you pushing me in my boat float. Or the times i helped you throw the tennis ball so you could hit it. Or the times i visited Mama (grandma)'s house and you asked me if i wanted "the apple (slices) big or small?" Or the times I followed mom to the airport to visit you on your night shifts.
Mom tells me you were the best brother anyone could ever have. Patient, Kind, Obedient, loving and Mr. Nice guy all around. Many times, I can't help but wonder. What if you were still with us? You'll probably be teaching me tennis. We'll be rocking out to the coolest music. We'll be going crazy at concerts. Maybe we'll even do Gangnam style around the house. You might even fly over to visit me in Perth every once in awhile. We can't change what has happened. But I am sure that Heaven is so much better compared to Earth. You're free from the physical and emotional pain that you have been suffering from.
Thank You for being a wonderful Uncle. It was a blessing to have you in the early years of my life. We'll meet again soon, in Heaven. Take care Suay Ku.
I felt the need to dedicate a blog post to you. I'm growing older each day and I'm afraid that my memory of you will slowly fade away. I'll try my best to type a post that will do you justice.
On this day, 12 years ago, you ended your battle with leukemia. Your 30 year mission on Earth was complete and God brought you to be with Him in heaven. At that time, I was barely in Primary School. I knew you were gone but had little idea of how your departure was going to affect our lives...
You were always so caring and considerate to everyone. For as long as I could remember, you were always there for me especially on my birthdays. I remember, you helping me open presents that my toddler self couldn't. During your last few moments on Earth, you didn't make an exception. Lying on the hospital bed, you made sure you stayed around until my birthday was over. I can't figure out if you really prepared the present that sa-ee (teochew for 3rd aunt) handed to me or they were just trying to cheer me up. I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The most important thing was that you made an effort to stay around till my birthday was over. Your death anniversary serves as a reminder of your love for your first niece, me.
You had many admirers but you were civil and nothing more. You knew you had leukemia which was like a time bomb that limited your time on Earth. You didn't want to lead them on or cause them to suffer heartache upon your departure. As such, you sacrificed having romantic relationships. If you had a family of your own, you would have been an Awesome Dad.
Till this day, I can't help but wonder... What if I didn't throw a tantrum at the hospital? What if you didn't carry me? What if I didn't leave teeth marks in your back? Would you still have been with us here today? My toddler/pre primary memory is failing me and I can't exactly remember the exact details of the whole incident. But this 'scene' keeps replaying in my head. Hospital. You. Me. Teeth marks.Your back. Everything else is just a blur.
Your departure left a gap in my life. A gap I was desperately trying to fill. Whether I realised it or not.
7 years ago, I thought I found something that could replace this gap. Wait. More like someone who could replace this gap. Wu Chun. The more I saw him on screen, the more he reminded me of you. I started to see you in him. He too, was the youngest child of the family. He too was mild mannered and well behaved. He too, was apparently well liked by all his siblings. He too, had nieces whom he cared for and loved.
This picture of him & his niece totally reminded me of You & I. The time you spent with me, during my childhood years. Waking up in the middle of the night in search of mom but to find you instead, listening to the midnight tunes on the radio. Or the times we spend in the swimming pool, you pushing me in my boat float. Or the times i helped you throw the tennis ball so you could hit it. Or the times i visited Mama (grandma)'s house and you asked me if i wanted "the apple (slices) big or small?" Or the times I followed mom to the airport to visit you on your night shifts.
Mom tells me you were the best brother anyone could ever have. Patient, Kind, Obedient, loving and Mr. Nice guy all around. Many times, I can't help but wonder. What if you were still with us? You'll probably be teaching me tennis. We'll be rocking out to the coolest music. We'll be going crazy at concerts. Maybe we'll even do Gangnam style around the house. You might even fly over to visit me in Perth every once in awhile. We can't change what has happened. But I am sure that Heaven is so much better compared to Earth. You're free from the physical and emotional pain that you have been suffering from.
Thank You for being a wonderful Uncle. It was a blessing to have you in the early years of my life. We'll meet again soon, in Heaven. Take care Suay Ku.
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