My Biggest Regret

This is a pretty cool experience. Blogging onboard Taiwan's High Speed Rail. It has been something I wanted to do for a pretty long time - To be able to use my laptop on the HSR.  It is the long weekend and I am currently heading towards Taipei to spend some time with mom and bring her to the cool places I discovered on my last visit with my friends. I am so excited to spend some quality time with mom <3

As you grow up, you realise that life is Life is short. Fragile. Full of lessons. If you asked me what was my biggest fear when I was a kid, I would answer losing my parents. Why? Well, I'm the only child, unlike many others who are blessed with siblings, if my parents are gone, I would be all alone. As a child, that was my biggest fear. I guess my parents were realists and they intensified that fear by casually bringing up things to do when they die, with occasional tips and pointers on how to survive without them . 

Growing up, I attended more funerals than birthday parties.  I noticed that the general sentiments of the people who attended the deceased funeral regret that the deceased had gone too soon and wished that they had put in more effort in spending time with the deceased. So, this idea of not wanting to make the same mistake sat at the back of my head for the longest time. I never fully applied it to my life until I turned 17.

This was the year I was started studying abroad in Australia. I remember waking up one morning to a very vivid dream. I dreamt of my aunty (whom I was very close to) saying goodbye to me. It felt so real and when I woke up, something within me felt very weird and knew something was up. I called my mom through the house number normally, as she would be at home most of the time. But no answer. Then I called her mobile and after many attempts, she finally picked up. Being the strong woman she was, she did her best and kept everything under control... I did not pry or ask her about my aunty featured in the weird dream that I had knowing that I will be back in Singapore within 14 days and I will probably just see my aunty then. 

I remember my mom coming into my room the next morning after the night flight back to Singapore. She wore a very sombre look on her face. She sat me down and broke the news of my aunty's passing.  I pretended I was okay. I pretended that grief didn't affect me. But it eventually did, a few days later. I bawled my eyes out when I was in church. A part of me felt so guilty, I regret not spending enough time with her as her niece. A part of me questioned maybe, if I hadn't gone to Australia to study, I would have had more opportunities to spend with her. Her passing impacted me greatly.

It was one of the driving factors that motivated me greatly to study hard and apply back to a Singapore University. Coming back to Singapore would provide me with more opportunities to spend time with my loved ones. I made the mistake once, I did not want to let history repeat itself. 

I love my friends dearly but I would never pass up an opportunity to hang out with mom or have a meal together as a family. I aspire to spend as much time with my parents so that I would not live to deal with that regret. With God's help, I am learning to communicate with my dad. (We are just too similar and strong headed hence the frequent clashes)  I don't want to live a life of regret or bitterness or unforgiveness.

Do I still fear losing my parents? Yes, probably not as much as before. But I know that I am doing my best effort in cherishing them when I still get the chance. We will be reunited in Heaven when my time on Earth has ended. 

Don't push back spending time with your loved ones. This video pretty much sums it up. 

God's love & blessings~

XOXO

Marissa