Fearless Ownership

Chase your dreams fearlessly. Take control of your life and the consequences that may come along with the choices that you choose. Looking back, it was hell coming back to Singapore to pursue a University degree but it was my choice to prove dad wrong and I had to deal with the consequences of the change in pace especially in terms of school work as well as life. But the lessons I learnt while sucking it up and staying through the whole course far outweighs the painful consequences. I learnt to be adaptable, to be resilient and to a certain extent, “fight” for my own survival.

In our Asian culture, we hold a high regard for what elders say. Some people pursue careers that are dictated by their parents.  They are too afraid to chase or fight for what they want. To a certain extent, it is a sense of cowardice. The fear of failure totally stops people from trying to pursue their interests or their “dream career”. This fear in itself becomes an obstacle for people

At the end of Secondary 2, Singaporean students had to choose their subject combination that they would be streamed into for the O Level exams. At 14, I was afraid to be different. Afraid of what people thought of me. Worked really hard to be in the Prefect Exco just to get Dad’s approval.  I chose a subject combination that would allow me to “look smart”. It was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I had taken control of my own life and pursued the subjects that I was interested in. At 16, I was deemed a “failure” by the Singapore Education System. I had a feeling that my Chemistry Teacher then, had really given up on me. I was that terrible at Chemistry and I simply did not have much interest in covalent bonds or the electronic configuration of molecules. Don’t get me started on physics…. It was really by the grace of God that I actually passed my O level subjects.  I was often miserable and felt like I had lost control of my life (when the fact was that I never really took control of it at the beginning).

God is just so good. He knew what I needed and orchestrated the following events. It was a blessing in disguise, the fact that I nearly lost my liver/life and was in and out of hospital during the year of my O levels brought about an opportunity for me to begin again. I was fortunate that I had the option of attending a boarding school in Australia. Dad was reluctant to send me overseas because he had a very closed mindset – where he believed people who couldn’t make it in Singapore was sent overseas to study. (But I believed his mind-set has since changed drastically as he saw how I flourished and did well enough to get accepted into NTU Business School) I fought hard to convinced my dad that this was what I really wanted – a new beginning. Well, and the opportunity to experience an overseas holistic education. 

To a certain extent, the new environment brought about new experiences for me. I wasn’t surrounded by people who had high expectations of me. I was just “one of the new Singaporean students”. This provided the foundation for me to fearlessly try new things. One of the craziest/gung-ho things I did was to switch from combined science to Politics and law 4 weeks into the term. I had lots to catch up and was the only International student learning about Australian Politics & Law. I am blessed to have had Mrs Harris, my supportive PAL teacher who patiently guided this International student from Singapore through the constitution and various High Court cases. This opened more doors for me to participate in essay competitions and Constitutional Conventions. The “old me” wouldn’t have the courage to do that. Why? Because of FoF – Fear of failure.

My time spent studying overseas shaped me to be a very different person. One who would go all out to attempt things I love or had an interest in. If given a choice, I would choose to live a life with minimal regrets having known that I have tried the things that I set out to achieve. Even if it turned out to be something that I liked initially but turned out differently or a path that I may not choose to continue on, I can cross it out of my list and say, “been there, done that”. Take ownership of the consequences of pursuing that career path and move on to something else. Maybe, that is what adulting is all about. Bravely taking on the consequences of your actions. The world does not owe you a living. Everyone is given 24 hours in a day, it is your choice of how you utilise it. You can either take ownership of your choices or forever be propagating hate and negativity by blaming everything and everyone for your unhappiness.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to discover who you are, what you like and what makes you 'tick'. Sometimes, it may take multiple attempts, failures and setbacks to discover what you are truly made of. It is so important to be firmly grounded in your values and beliefs. I will openly tell you that my identity is in Christ, my goal is to love people just like how God love us.

Simply by making this statement, some people may treat me in a hostile manner. They may go out of their way to challenge or makes things difficult. The world out there is an unforgiving place with so much chaos, hate and violence. At times, people will try to change you and challenge your beliefs. Stay true to yourself. Don’t betray your conscience.

God’s love & blessings always~

Xoxo

Marissa