Weakling... Thats what I am

This is my first blog post after returning back to Perth for school. i have finally settled down in my boarding house. Today, i'm gonna share with you my emotions that is buried deep down. You might get a shock and even despise me after hearing my story...

What do you think of the word 'Disappointment'?  i don't know about you but i hate this emotion. It feels so bad. To me, the feeling of disappointment tears me up inside. Disappointment just makes my heart feels so burdened. Disappointment makes me feel i'm not good enough. Disappointment turns me into a cry baby as i can't seem to find any other way to express this emotion. Well, i think most of you get the picture of how i am a weakling and how i'm so noob(inexperienced) at handling disappointment.

i'm sure, many of you reading this will say 'Grow up Marissa! Life is not always a bed of roses...' i'm trying... Please excuse me, but i really need a place to vent my emotions now. By the end of this blog post, i promise i will go back to normal and pretend that nothing actually happened. So please bear with me. Well, this blog also serves as a journal of my life. Someday down the road, 5 years later, i may look back and even laugh at how silly i am. Oh well.

Anyway, in 2012, i attended the Constitution Convention in WA. i qualified as an applicant for the National Schools' Constitution Convention 2013 held in Canberra. All expense paid trip to Canberra, Parliament house and even an opportunity to dine with a Parliamentarian. How cool is that? Imagine how good it'll look in the résumé. i even spoke to my teacher and asked her if i actually qualified for it as i'm not an Australian Citizen or PR. She said it shouldn't be a problem. So, i was anticipating the results the whole of my 2 months holiday.There was another girl from my school who applied for it too.

i should not have had high hopes. The higher hopes you have, greater disappointment you'll feel. i should not have let my guard down. i failed to stick to my principle of taking everyone's words with a pinch of salt. Marissa, this is all your fault. This is what happens when you don't harden your heart and stand firm with your principles. You fall. And you fall real hard. When that happens, pain is inevitable.

Anyway, don't get me wrong. im happy for my friend who is going to Canberra in March for the trip. i'm sure she'll have an AMAZING time there. i thought about it... there are only 2 possible conclusions.

1. My application was not good enough
2. i'm not given the opportunity because i'm not an Australian Citizen or PR

i have nothing to say if the reason was number 1. i tried my best. If it was number 2, who would blame them? Why would they support an 'outsider' who does not even pay taxes? i guess democracy & meritocracy doesn't really exist eh? Anyway, since the application process is over, i will post my application essay here. Let it be a part of my memory. Feel free to tell me what you think about it.

"Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Marissa Chang and I am currently studying in Year 11 at St. Mary’s Anglican Girls’ School. I sincerely hope to be given the opportunity to attend the National Schools Constitution Convention 2013 held in Canberra. It is said that ‘the youths of today are the leaders of tomorrow’. I believe this would be a wonderful opportunity as like-minded students from all around Australia gather to discuss possible solutions, to challenges that our political system face in our society today.

It was by chance that I chose Politics & Law as a WACE subject because it was the first year offered at St. Mary’s and I had no idea what the subject expected of me. At first, I thought that the subject would be dry, boring and complicated. However, Politics & Law has opened my eyes to view the world in a whole new perspective and it has given me opportunities that my peers are envious of.

In 2012 alone, I was given the opportunity to represent my school in WA Civics & Citizenship essay competition held by the Australian Electoral Commission, the Francis Burt Law Society Mock Trials Competition as well as WA Constitutional Convention. WA Constitutional Convention was definitely the highlight of the year as I had the chance to interact and hear the opinions of other youths on issues pertaining to the recognition of local government and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in the constitution. Being an active member of the group, I facilitated discussions and represented my table in presenting our perspective to the recognition of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people in the constitution. Winston Churchill once said, “ Of this I am certain, that if we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.” Reconciliation is our hope for the future (at least that’s what my table believes). The most practical short term alterative is the recognition of Indigenous Language and Culture.

Having been both a leader and a follower, I understand the importance of teamwork and taking the initiative. As I have worked with people of diverse cultures and backgrounds, I have learnt to adapt quickly, to ‘think on my feet’ so as to overcome possible challenges. I present myself with grace and confidence enabling me to be an excellent representative for Perth in the National Convention.

There is a Chinese idiom, 饮水思源 (yin shui si yuan) that means to be grateful for all that is given, recognizing the contributions of our ancestors/ founding fathers. I am very enthusiastic to be a participant at the National Schools Constitutional Convention 2013 as I feel that I have valuable skills to share with other youths. If I am graciously given the chance to attend the National Schools Constitutional Convention 2013, I hope to better understand the contributions made by our founding fathers and I want to share my additional understanding and experiences with other youth in the state as a form of ‘contributing’ back to society.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application as a potential representative at the 2013 National Schools Constitutional Convention. I am truly grateful for this opportunity.

Yours Sincerely,

Marissa Chang"

Anyway, God has shown his faithfulness to me during this period. i kinda shared my disappointment with my neighbor, LC when i met her in Accounting as it was immediately after P&L. She shared with me that her church was doing a sermon series(or something like that) and when God closes the door, He has something better in store for me. At that moment, it didn't really get into my head. i was drowning in disappointment. After school, i whatsapp-ed mom and told her about my disappointment. I kinda requested for her to pray for God to take away my disappointment. She called and shared a verse with me.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go".

~Joshua 1:9

Mom encouraged me and told me it was okay It was not my main goal. My main goal was to do well for WACE and apply back to Singapore for university. period.

After dinner, LC borrowed my markers to colour in her timetable and when she returned them, she taped a note to the case of markers. " Marissa ♥ THANK YOU! And don't worry 'bout the Canberra trip. God closed that door to open another better one. He's got great plans for you! ♡LC♡" She probably has no idea how much that impacted me. It made me feel so much better. The words she told me in accounting finally sunk into my head. Thank You God for sending a sister-in-Christ to remind me of Your faithfulness. Indeed, i believe God has something so much better for me. Marissa 2.0 is going to come back so much stronger and better than before. It is their loss for not accepting my application. :P

Yeap, this pretty much concludes my blog post. And as promised, i'm feeling so much better :)

God's love & blessings always~

Xoxo

Supergirl Marissa