Surrender your Brokeness (reflection for YMLC 2015)
This is the second year I attended Young Methodist Leaders' Conference (YMLC). Previously, I did a post camp blog post to reflect and use it to track my growth. In YMLC 2014, I wasn't serving in any Ministry in church as I just got back from studying in Perth. What God revealed to me in YMLC 2014 was that He wanted me to serve 'full time'. Through the course of the year, I realised 'full time' was to serve Him wherever I was and not like Full time ministry in the church alone. This brought to life my blog where I share my spiritual victories and obstacles hoping to encourage and inspire others. I, myself am encouraged when people share how my life experiences on this blog has touched them.
In a time frame of a year, I started being an assistant leader to the youth ones. In the past, I remember telling my mom that I will never be a teacher. I lack the patience and really just don't have the energy to keep up with kids. When I met the youth Ones, my heart was just so filled with love for them. I started to see the potential in them and how they can be instruments for God's glory. When God sends you on a mission, He will provide the tools & equipment. He definitely gave me double portions of His love to share with my kiddos.
Prior to YMLC this year, I prayed asking God to help me grow deeper in faith and to know Him more. There is a saying 'be careful what you wish for...' (Or pray for in this situation)
The theme for YMLC 2015 was Greater. Through YMLC, God reminded me to seek Him more. I get so caught up with hall activities, school work, ministry that I often neglect God. Or rather neglect spending time with Him. This is detrimental to my growth as a Christian. From the workshop conducted by Pastor Seaward stated that 'Hunger breeds hunger'. In the same way, we should be spiritually hungry for God so as to encourage our youths to be hungry for God as well.
The plenary session that was most applicable in my life was Plenary 1. I'll share the significance of it down below.
Plenary 1- Greater Significance , greater life
Very truly I tell you, WHOEVER believes in me will do the WORKS I have been doing. They will do even GREATER things than these, because I am going to the Father
John 14:12
Whoever - Not only the original disciples but ALL who believe in Jesus.
Works - Everything Jesus did & declared (welcome, love people)
Greater - How can the disciples be greater than their master? Greater quantity makes more sense
"Because I am going to the Father" - Presence of the Holy Spirit living in every disciple. Thus Jesus is present with us through the Holy Spirit.
The speaker reminded us to STOP Compartmentalising God!
Modern secularism: God is excluded from the public sphere & confined to the private/personal spheres.
It was a reminder to carry out Jesus work WHEREVER WE GO; ALL THE TIME.
Modern "Christian" Secularism: we confine how God works - mystical, spiritual to sense God's presence. We should not think that our God is too small. Even if miraculous works does not take place, we can speak about God's goodness & grace.
Our acts of love & compassion represents God in the world.
I felt that it was a good reminder for me as I tend to share about the things I would term more 'wow' in my life. I neglect sharing God's grace and goodness here on my blog. The purpose of this blog was an avenue for me to share my brutally honest journey as a Christian without sugar coating things. Growing up, I felt that modern day people freely shared about the"victories" in Christ and they were not as willing to share about their struggles of the faith. When I started facing obstacles in my journey of faith, I was wondering if I was the only oddball - everyone else seemed to be having a smooth journey.
This prompted me to start being "shameless". If i am in anguish, I would share about it. If I feel so distant away from God, I would talk about it. If I overcome an obstacle, I would share the joy as well. The past few months, my blog has been dead as I got too preoccupied with other things and I also found it hard to share the issues I was facing as the people involved are pretty close to my heart.
During the final night of YMLC, when we were worshiping in God's presence the mentors were up in front praying for anyone who needed a prayer. While worshiping, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Soon, i just started sobbing. While this was happening, I was praying and asking God why is this happening? I prayed asking for God's guidance and wisdom. At the same time, I just felt so burdened. I tried worshiping God but I felt something was holding me back. Before long, I felt prompted to go in front and be prayed for.
When I went forward, the Pastor was about to ask how he could pray for me, when he decided that he will just see where the Holy Spirit leads. I would count it as a great revelation that night, where I encountered God once again and I am reminded of how much He loves us.
God loves us so much more than we love ourselves. God knows how much I blame myself for the silly mistakes I make. Despite that, God still loves me. (yes, i was crying a whole lot more now) God revealed my brokenness. (which I kinda knew but was in denial) He knew exactly what was going on in my life and the struggle I was facing. God saw the nights where I cried out helplessly to Him hoping that things would change. God knew I felt trapped. God knew the burdens in my heart. God knew I wasn't happy where I was. God knew I was running away from the problem. God knew my plan of just tiring myself out during the day so that I could just sleep well at night (without having to think of the problems). God knew I hate hurting people. God knew it all. Even though He knew, He wouldn't take it away instantly (though He had the ability to do so.) God wanted me to trust Him with my life as He slowly moulds me and remove the 'weeds' from my life. He wanted me to go through the painful process so that I would rely on Him. In my weakness, God is strong. He has proven that so many times in my life.
Looking back, even though it was a rude awakening, it was an answered prayer. When you pray to know God more, please be aware that God may put you through challenging obstacles just to grow you. When that happens, please do not be discouraged. God sees your potential and He knows that you are strong enough to deal with it. Most importantly, you are not alone as God will be with you through it all.
One of the few things I did was to reflect on the things that God had revealed to me. I needed to acknowledge it before I could take steps to address the issues. One way of coming out of my denial was sharing the following on my timeline." You can fool man but you can never fool God. Man looks at the outside but God looks at the heart. I guess my smiles fooled others and even myself. I am so broken on the inside. God I need your restoration. I need Your healing. I want to be free from these chains of fear & insecurity. I know Nothing is impossible with You. Teach me to surrender and leave all these burdens at the cross. Teach me to trust in You wholeheartedly."
For me personally, it was a step to acknowledge my weakness as well as an opportunity to share about God's unfailing love with my friends. I'm pretty much dedicated to being 'shameless' for Christ. I think I mentioned this term awhile back, a few blog posts ago. I do hope to undermine modern secularism as I believe that every moment that you are alive & breathing is a God given opportunity to share His love & goodness with people who has yet to know Him or who needs to be reminded of Him.
This is a start of a new journey where God is going to heal me from within. I am scared but excited at the same time. Scared because it will hurt. I believe He is in the midst of surfacing all the hurts I have been holding onto for so long. Excited, because I will come out stronger and a more effective instrument for God's glory.
Please keep me in prayer!
This pretty much sums up my experience at YMLC 2015. I am glad to be back on my blog and having the chance to share this with you!
God's love & blessings~
Xoxo
Marissa
In a time frame of a year, I started being an assistant leader to the youth ones. In the past, I remember telling my mom that I will never be a teacher. I lack the patience and really just don't have the energy to keep up with kids. When I met the youth Ones, my heart was just so filled with love for them. I started to see the potential in them and how they can be instruments for God's glory. When God sends you on a mission, He will provide the tools & equipment. He definitely gave me double portions of His love to share with my kiddos.
Prior to YMLC this year, I prayed asking God to help me grow deeper in faith and to know Him more. There is a saying 'be careful what you wish for...' (Or pray for in this situation)
The theme for YMLC 2015 was Greater. Through YMLC, God reminded me to seek Him more. I get so caught up with hall activities, school work, ministry that I often neglect God. Or rather neglect spending time with Him. This is detrimental to my growth as a Christian. From the workshop conducted by Pastor Seaward stated that 'Hunger breeds hunger'. In the same way, we should be spiritually hungry for God so as to encourage our youths to be hungry for God as well.
The plenary session that was most applicable in my life was Plenary 1. I'll share the significance of it down below.
Plenary 1- Greater Significance , greater life
Very truly I tell you, WHOEVER believes in me will do the WORKS I have been doing. They will do even GREATER things than these, because I am going to the Father
John 14:12
Whoever - Not only the original disciples but ALL who believe in Jesus.
Works - Everything Jesus did & declared (welcome, love people)
Greater - How can the disciples be greater than their master? Greater quantity makes more sense
"Because I am going to the Father" - Presence of the Holy Spirit living in every disciple. Thus Jesus is present with us through the Holy Spirit.
The speaker reminded us to STOP Compartmentalising God!
Modern secularism: God is excluded from the public sphere & confined to the private/personal spheres.
It was a reminder to carry out Jesus work WHEREVER WE GO; ALL THE TIME.
Modern "Christian" Secularism: we confine how God works - mystical, spiritual to sense God's presence. We should not think that our God is too small. Even if miraculous works does not take place, we can speak about God's goodness & grace.
Our acts of love & compassion represents God in the world.
I felt that it was a good reminder for me as I tend to share about the things I would term more 'wow' in my life. I neglect sharing God's grace and goodness here on my blog. The purpose of this blog was an avenue for me to share my brutally honest journey as a Christian without sugar coating things. Growing up, I felt that modern day people freely shared about the"victories" in Christ and they were not as willing to share about their struggles of the faith. When I started facing obstacles in my journey of faith, I was wondering if I was the only oddball - everyone else seemed to be having a smooth journey.
This prompted me to start being "shameless". If i am in anguish, I would share about it. If I feel so distant away from God, I would talk about it. If I overcome an obstacle, I would share the joy as well. The past few months, my blog has been dead as I got too preoccupied with other things and I also found it hard to share the issues I was facing as the people involved are pretty close to my heart.
During the final night of YMLC, when we were worshiping in God's presence the mentors were up in front praying for anyone who needed a prayer. While worshiping, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. Soon, i just started sobbing. While this was happening, I was praying and asking God why is this happening? I prayed asking for God's guidance and wisdom. At the same time, I just felt so burdened. I tried worshiping God but I felt something was holding me back. Before long, I felt prompted to go in front and be prayed for.
When I went forward, the Pastor was about to ask how he could pray for me, when he decided that he will just see where the Holy Spirit leads. I would count it as a great revelation that night, where I encountered God once again and I am reminded of how much He loves us.
God loves us so much more than we love ourselves. God knows how much I blame myself for the silly mistakes I make. Despite that, God still loves me. (yes, i was crying a whole lot more now) God revealed my brokenness. (which I kinda knew but was in denial) He knew exactly what was going on in my life and the struggle I was facing. God saw the nights where I cried out helplessly to Him hoping that things would change. God knew I felt trapped. God knew the burdens in my heart. God knew I wasn't happy where I was. God knew I was running away from the problem. God knew my plan of just tiring myself out during the day so that I could just sleep well at night (without having to think of the problems). God knew I hate hurting people. God knew it all. Even though He knew, He wouldn't take it away instantly (though He had the ability to do so.) God wanted me to trust Him with my life as He slowly moulds me and remove the 'weeds' from my life. He wanted me to go through the painful process so that I would rely on Him. In my weakness, God is strong. He has proven that so many times in my life.
Looking back, even though it was a rude awakening, it was an answered prayer. When you pray to know God more, please be aware that God may put you through challenging obstacles just to grow you. When that happens, please do not be discouraged. God sees your potential and He knows that you are strong enough to deal with it. Most importantly, you are not alone as God will be with you through it all.
One of the few things I did was to reflect on the things that God had revealed to me. I needed to acknowledge it before I could take steps to address the issues. One way of coming out of my denial was sharing the following on my timeline." You can fool man but you can never fool God. Man looks at the outside but God looks at the heart. I guess my smiles fooled others and even myself. I am so broken on the inside. God I need your restoration. I need Your healing. I want to be free from these chains of fear & insecurity. I know Nothing is impossible with You. Teach me to surrender and leave all these burdens at the cross. Teach me to trust in You wholeheartedly."
For me personally, it was a step to acknowledge my weakness as well as an opportunity to share about God's unfailing love with my friends. I'm pretty much dedicated to being 'shameless' for Christ. I think I mentioned this term awhile back, a few blog posts ago. I do hope to undermine modern secularism as I believe that every moment that you are alive & breathing is a God given opportunity to share His love & goodness with people who has yet to know Him or who needs to be reminded of Him.
This is a start of a new journey where God is going to heal me from within. I am scared but excited at the same time. Scared because it will hurt. I believe He is in the midst of surfacing all the hurts I have been holding onto for so long. Excited, because I will come out stronger and a more effective instrument for God's glory.
Please keep me in prayer!
This pretty much sums up my experience at YMLC 2015. I am glad to be back on my blog and having the chance to share this with you!
God's love & blessings~
Xoxo
Marissa
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