Marissa in RAGE mode?!
So I'm currently sitting at Starbucks as I'm writing this post. I opted for a little time to myself to run some errands(like bank hunting to withdraw money from the ATM. Unlike Singapore, ATMs are like a rare pokémon to be found) when my friends went off to cafe hunting.
I appreciate moments like these. Where I'm on my own, with a beverage, in an unfamiliar place, observing people around me, interacting with one another. A group of friends hanging out on the public holiday, a mother and son taking shelter from the heat outside, two middle aged ladies catching up and talking about their careers in the fitness industry.
I am fascinated. Intrigued. And wonder from time to time. All these individuals have their own stories to tell and how exciting it'll be to hear them all~
Growing up as an only child, I never really had siblings to entertain me or keep me preoccupied. I guess I developed a sense of interest in observing my surrounding and the behaviour of the people around me. This has probably led to me being 'little miss Kaypoh'.
It is through these little observations that I learn what cannot be taught in school. I learn how to read people's body language and be sensitive to the hidden meanings that their verbal words may carry. Sometimes, I forget not everyone is like me. I forget that not everyone can read between the lines. Not everyone is sensitive to people's body language. I forget to be patient with others.....
Recently there has been heavy rains and as such my room celling started leaking. We told our landlord about it. He told us that the waterproofing on the outside could only be done when the rain stops. Fair enough. When we noticed that weather has gotten better, we reminded him about it but he delayed it until a day before the typhoon to call the contractors and obviously it can't be done as the waterproofing wouldn't dry in time.
I was okay with it since I did live with leaking ceiling in my old house before and it was no big deal. However after the typhoon, we realised that our flooring was also leaking with water. There was water coming up from the floors and from the celling. Hello, we paid rent for a house that is supposed to be a safe place however now I really feel threatened because my 'safe place' is now threatening to kill me by flooding. (Okay I'm being dramatic but you get the point.)
This was when I was really angry and frustrated at the landlord. My friends were really angry with him already for the fact that he didn't clean up the house before hand over to us. This just added to the list for things to be angry for at him. Did I mention that there was dog and cat fur almost everywhere?
I think it is his attitude towards things that really unleashed the fierce Marissa. I'm normally the one that is very civil and doesn't talk much to him cause of my limited Chinese but I think he got a shock when I started rebutting him and giving him a piece of my mind in Chinese and a serious tone of voice.
So I kept asking him about what he's gonna do about my celling. He said he would do call the contractors once the public holiday was over. I asked if he had a Plan B if that didn't work and he told me in his broken English " Plan A, Plan B, Plan C. Step by step you know....?"
Maybe I'm too well trained by Mr Chang to think ahead and have the big picture point of view. But when I heard his comment I was freaking annoyed.
His general attitude was like he was trying to run away from responsibility. My friends joked if he was in Singapore's NS, he probably would be the "keng king".
Reflecting on yesterday's events. I probably shouldn't have let myself get angry over such ridiculous people. Being angry really takes up a lot of my energy. I slept for 11 hours last night... I should really learn to look at people through the eyes of Christ and be the bigger person. Yes I'm struggling to be a Christian. Struggling to be an example of Christ in the world.
Looking back, I feel sorry that he has yet to learn important values of responsibility and accountability at his age. He's self-centeredness may eventually lead to his downfall.
Just a random update to get things off my chest.
God's love & blessings~
XOXO
Marissa
Marissa dear, don't forget, we are merely humans and we have emotions.
ReplyDeleteTo begin with, we have to accept that anger is a normal emotion. It is one of the emotions we bear as being created the image of our Creator. Indeed even Jesus himself gets angry when he found that the temple (church) was filled w vendors, money changers etc.
Anger comes about becuz we are hurt or let down (either deliberately or not).
The problem with our anger in general is that we react to it in ways that are not helpful or way out of proportion to the hurt felt. In this way anger can disrupt and destroy relationships that are important to us.
In the heat of the moment we want to be proved right or may even want to inflict hurt. We will say and do things that we regret later on.
So the issue with anger is not so much that you get angry but why and what to do about it. Understanding why will help you work out how to deal with it.
I think here the example of Jesus is most helpful. He always uses his anger to bring about his good purposes.
What drives him is not his anger but a far more potent and powerful emotion - LOVE.
To me the two key element here are love and forgiveness. The christian experience of God’s overwhelming love leads us in turn to love others. In the same way the christian experience of God’s forgiveness leads us to forgive others. Neither of these things is easy, especially in the midst of anger but they are what we are to aim for.
Forgiveness is often a process. Even if we may still feel anger towards the one who has hurt us, and the effects of the damage - (emotional pain and other problems), are still with us, we can still be in an attitude of forgiveness to that person. We are effectively controlling our anger and inviting God to deal with it. Rather than the anger turning bad, and causing hate, we acknowledge it, state forgiveness and refuse through sheer will to engage in thoughts of bitterness, revenge or hate. A feeling of complete forgiveness may take a significant amount of time and effort to reach but it is worth it in the end.
Now, Marissa dear, I have said before that none of this is easy as I am sure you are aware. So God is there to help. He knows what it is like to be human (after all Jesus lived as a human) and he is willing to help.
So turn to him and ask for help. When you are angry try to simply direct a thought at him - “Help me not lose control but act in love and forgive.”
It would be good to find other Christian people who you trust that you can confide in and talk about these things with. They can pray for you and with you.
But most importantly you need to ask yourself have you experienced the love and forgiveness of God yourself?
A Christian’s love for others stems from God’s love for us and a Christian’s ability to forgive others stems from the fact that we have already been forgiven by God himself.
There will be another typhoon heading your way in a few days time. Try to study this while you have no school again hehehe....or the next time that you're enjoying quality time at Starbucks again.
PS
Remember that these are super typhoons that seldom happens in Taiwan before, and I guess that the damages were also a surprise for the landlord. Usually, new tenants are liable to clean up before moving up, unless, if you are moving in to a luxurious apartment hotel, and that's another story. As a former foreign student myself (as well as my children), we are encounters all these things before, so face them and enjoy it!!
GOD loves you & so do I��❤️
Uncle A^^
(Marissa part-time mentor)
mid autumn 2016