I admit...

I have been going through a relatively tough period. I think I have been hiding for too long and I really need to come out and share...  For God's power is seen in my weaknesses. 

Mid term quizzes have just ended and I feel really terrible. Don't get me wrong. Not 'terrible' as in regret. But terrible as in "why couldn't I be smarter?"

It has be about 7 weeks into University. People around me have been telling me "You just haven't settled into uni yet..." and "You're pushing yourself too hard.." I don't know... I feel like I just don't belong here. I feel like an "outcast" in the sense that everyone gets things so quickly and understands what's happening. But I am just floating around classes with ??? in my mind. Time and again, I kept questioning if business was the right course for me. Many times, I really felt like a failure. Week after week I was asking God, why did He allow me to enter this particular uni? I am not coping well and i feel that I am being swept away by the undercurrents.

My friend shared with me about the Parable of the Pencil. 3 Lessons from it...

1. In order to be useful, you've to be held in someone's hand.
2. What's within is more important than the appearance. 
3. Wherever you go, leave a mark.

1) We are instruments of God. In order to be useful, we have to be willing to be moulded and guided by Him. I guess we could rely on our on strength and be willful just that it'll be more painful.

2) The lead in the pencil is most important. Without it, the pencil won't be able to function. In the same way, we should not worry unnecessarily about our appearance or our achievements and neglect our values and character.

3) We should aspire to touch the lives around us and be Soldier's of Light for God's glory. 

I honestly felt that it was a timely reminder. I was relying too much on my own strength that I just couldn't see Him working in my life.  God has everything all planned out. Sometimes, He uses the people around us to remind us that He has everything in control.


We're currently using the book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren for Life group. So coincidentally the chapter we covered was about Surrendering to God. When I read the chapter, I could actually feel that God was talking to me through the words written in the book. The book talked about surrendering to Him. When we surrender ourselves, we are able to discover the great personality and purpose that God has intended for us.

In the evening when I headed back to hall, I sent a text to my friend. I got to know her through a corporate event. I don't know what made her say these kind words... But it was a timely encouragement and I truly thank God for it.

Z's message of encouragement " Haha, don't thank me girl! I believe that everyone will be able to do well in life if they put in the hardwork! I've seen your hardworking side and I really admire your spirit towards life.

I wouldn't say I've got everything all figured out. But I can say that I know that God is watching over me and He has a plan for me.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

God's love & blessings,
Xoxo
Marissa